alison

Have you ever been in the middle of kissing someone and suddenly think "I'm going to break your heart"?

Because that may just be what's happening.

And you look into their eyes and see that unmistakable shine which says 'I love you' and you realize that the time for "friends with benefits" only has long since passed.

And they tell you sweet things but all you can do is say "thanks?"

And they ask you 'what are we doing here?' knowing that if you say - wanna be my boyfriend they would unequivocally say 'yes' but instead you say 'I like what we're doing right now'

And then maybe there's a problem.

Because I'm not sure I want to be your girlfriend. And sometimes you're just a really good friend... and it's convenient living next door. Who wants to sleep alone? And maybe I have feelings, but maybe it is just not wanting to sleep alone which makes me feel that way.

Conflicted.

I try to make you mad but I can't. You just smile.

I'm freaking out a little bit.

I don't know if YOU are dead or if YOU are alive.

So if you ARE alive could you please call or something so I don't have to worry?

Happy Birthday.

<3

Tuna sandwich... you're doing it wrong.

One of the cuts in my hand is from trying to cut a lime for tequila.
The other is from trying to take the top off a pumpkin so we could try and explode it.

Not to mention I briefly caught on fire last night. Because we were setting couches on fire.

My life.
At least I'm having fun.

<3

I'm also kind of broke and getting B's in school.
School? What's that?

But yeah,
I really like you.
And I think you like me too.

<3

I'm glad I met you.

Um - call me tonight. I had a really nice time today.
And I think I like football.

I have a cold and no homework to do = exact boredom.

I have had a very different life a year ago.

But so does every one else.

My semester is much too easy for me not to get in trouble.
AAh.

Creative Writing Workshop

( Read more... )

So haven't been on here for a while, I've lost internet in my apt till I buy a router. Creating some problems.

But I'm in my hometown.
The best part is that my fuck buddy from hs calls up, we have a few drinks at the bar and it's odd realizing that someone you've idolized and been in love with for 4 years of your life... (years ago) suddenly seems so mundane. ordinary. You were once my obsession. Now you're just... a person.

So it was left at that.

Home is boring.

Things are moving along. I picked my room mate up from jail on Wednesday <3 I'm suprised he was out this early, but good.

We have an eviction notice because my room mate's an idiot.

Something cute is, this boy, if I tell him a band I like he'll put his speakers to the window where he knows I'll hear it in my apartment and I'm pretty sure he's doing it for me. And it's weird the position we're in. But I think he's just what I need. (and I think he needs me too) (and he's told me this) (should I call and tell him goodnight, or is that odd?)

Anyway, I'm excelling in my creative writing class. I've never wanted to write more than I have now.

I have senioritis.

I SO don't want to be here right now. I want to be at ISU with my friends.

Um, not all that much is new. YEAH.

GOD.
UTI = urinary tract infection. SUCKY.
OHHH the neighbor told m he wants a relationship. I'm freaking out. I have a black eye and I have to work tomorrow. WTF. WHERE IS MY LIFE?

Oh lord. I got in my first fist fight tonight.
It happened because me and this guy were sitting on my porch, and this drunk girl walked by with a baby. And we're like "what the fuck is this baby doing out at 1am? keg stands?"
So I guess she got upset and said something to (Jacob) And she punched him. Which made me upset...
So he told her - jokingly - that he would drown her baby.
And then I said maybe if you have a 7 week old baby you shouldn't be drunk!
She didn't like that.
Anyway, I have a black eye.

And it fucking hurts.
She came back later and apologized.
but stilll..... don't be drunk and carrying your baby all over a college campus.

Oh goodness. There's something weird going on with the neighbors. I have to go on a date tomorrow? ohhhhh. Black eye - really.

Dear Greg,
You're an idiot. You are no longer welcome in my house or Casey's house. Now everyone knows about my crazy exbf and it's embarrassing. Not cool. I hope you leave town soon.

“Jokes I Tell You When You’re Sleeping”

 

1. I was walking to class today flip flop flip flop and I saw a cherry-picker man trimming trees by the power line crunch snap rustle. “Up up” the cherry picker moves up. “Stop stop” the cherry picker does not stop. “Scream scream” the cherry picker man meets the power line. Crackle fizz the man is on fire. KABOOM the cherry picker man explodes. Flip squish flop squash the cherry picker man is in my shoe.

 

2. *I am an asterisk; I do aste-risky things.

 

3. Haiku:

            Don’t sleep with the neighbors / it makes it very awkward /

to take out the garbage

 

4. Capitalism; the American dream. Two party system. Clothes / religion.

 

5. I woke myself up by talking in my sleep / we made a perfect Venn diagram on your sheets / with our legs / I said ‘I’m afraid of black people’ / (In my sleep…) / I left his bedroom shortly thereafter.

 

6. What is freedom like little boy? Do you miss sunlight little boy? Little boy – we should be room mates. Little boy who sold too many drugs and little boy caught up in it all, your innocence? I miss you. I don’t want to see you in that blue jumpsuit… little boy you had dreams. Why did you have to…? I’ll see you every week, through a bullet-proof glass pane a C.O. listening to my words – I miss you. Fifteen minutes a week is not enough. John. Dear John,

 

7.  He fell in love with her, I guess, she fell in love with him – a brief moment, and they became kites; floating, drifting, higher and higher – be careful avoid the trees. Obstacles like so many insane and petty arguments. Then someday (who can tell when) the wind ceased blowing and drifting drifting softly down, the kites rested (in a puddle of mud: by a bullfrog softly laughing) they became just two, two people, a boy and a girl, the girl was happy to be on the ground after so many months of drifting, floating, getting stuck in trees (21 months, but the boy was in love with kites) And they were sad, too, that they landed in mud. The girl ruined her nice shoes. The boy stumbled off muddy, the girl still washing her feet. The boy just wanted more kites.

She thought this was a very foolish thing to do.

And kept to the ground.

 

8. I once was a genie, my bottle thrown in a trash heap, wait wait wait where is my freedom? One day I got sick and tired of wait wait wait in my tiny bottle, all I have, waiting, tell me what to do, use me up, throw me out, so I broke the bottle, I was an inch big (I had to be – such a tiny bottle) growing to 5’3 I walked out of the trash heap with glass in my hair – now a free woman. No more superpowers.

Now I live in a tiny apartment, surrounded by all I have

And I wait wait wait

Until it’s time to go do what ‘they’ say

Until it’s done and they don’t need me

And they throw me out, use me up.

Now I collect bottles found in trash cans. I have 153 bottles beautiful all blue – but I can’t look in them because

They remain unopened.

 

9. I love you I love you I love you.

I just met you.

 

Rage Rage Rage.

At first I was really nervous about my creative writing class, because I don't take writing seriously. But Jesus, today a few people passed out their shit to be workshopped on and I SWEAR TO GOD THESE PEOPLE NEED TO DIE FOR THEIR SLAUGHTER OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.


really.
One poem about how a girl loves her bf, one neo-fem-nazi poem, and 2 ESSAYS about why college is hard.

And I have to say something 'constructive' about this shit?
How about "change your major"


I'm sorry.

I visited my ex-room mate in jail today. It was intensely sad.
Nothing matters, he's still a good kid.

He's hoping for 3 of the 6 felonies to be dropped.
Who knows.

I used to know this kid who, tripping out of his mind, stabbed his father to death a few days ago.

Chaos. Misfortune. All around me.

My creative writing class has been going well, I've been writing some interesting poems. Maybe I'll post a few on here someday.

I told my friend to borrow my car 5 minutes ago, is it psycho to call her and tell her to come back because, since I was 'molested' a week ago I don't want to sleep in my apartment alone?

God.

Fuck My Life.

And the cops came and raided this place yesterday...

I don't want to sleep here, but I also don't want to sleep on a couch.

My room mate's in jail :(

Love you.

Oh good lord, my ex met someone 2 weeks ago and asked her to marry him.
Wow, ok.

We ended our almost 2 year relationship in May.

In other news, a knock on my door 5am, the police with a warrant to search our apartment. They had my room mate in custody.

I know he was carrying an ounce of shrooms, a couple ounces of pot, 2 vials of acid, molly, and he was planning to pick up coke last night. They also took my fireworks.
Fuck little buddy, I'm gunna miss you.

God. I love that kid. He's a sweetheart.

ahh Sundays.

I'm working 9 hours on Saturday promoting Jell-o?

Awesome.

I let my stripper friend borrow my car because she has no liscence and she got arrested going 40 over.

Hm.

I hate it when I'm fucking someone and they try to finger my asshole.

Really?

Today's going to be a good day.

But you know what? I think that sexual predator may have been karma from my Saturday night.
Rewind to my neighbor:
"I'm so fucked up" - him
"Yeah, so you won't remember this tomorrow?"
*make out all over your face*

Alison, stop date raping people.

It's probably bad.
But sexy.

Karma man.

Weirdest week of my life. It started with shrooms and ended with all day drinking escapades, raping the neighbor, and getting sexually harassed.

Nah man. That aint me.

My "fuck buddy" is sleeping on the couch downstairs.
I'm not interested.

So - the creepiest thing ever.
I was sleeping and  I woke up to a guy I had never seen in my life standing next to my bed lifting up my dress!! I scream "WHAT THE FUCK! YOU ASSHOLE"
I wake up my room mate... he says 'sorry' and runs away.
I find him outside and I yell, why the fuck were you in my apartment?
He said "nah, that wasn't me..." etc.
Got his lisence plate number, call the police. They aren't doing anything.

FUCKING WEIRD.

I'm locking my doors now.

I'm just happy he didn't do anything weirder.

Anyway, a much pleasanter morning was the morning before that, I wake up to Andrea and a 30 case. We drink all day. And all night.
The evening before was drunken, I have a theory "don't shit where you eat" which is why I haven't been making out with my neighbors. But that got fucked up. He's hot though.

Fuck. My. Life.

My libido is like the stock market
it just keeps going down.
Why?
I just keep getting more picky.
GOD DRUNK.
But I had a nice date the other night
too bad for whiskey dick
fuck off
My bff is my room mate!
I haven't seen her in a few years.
"Come dance at the club"
No, dude I did that shit 15 pounds ago
no one wants to pay to see this as jiggle.
Like Jell-o.

Peace.

5am mofo.